It's us, the


Please, enjoy


crazy thoughts.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Old Feelings, ..New perspective

So...I was glancing over my old blog posts, from the days when it was Trent and Kaylyn. I posted this a couple days after my world turned upside down and was faced with the divorce dicision. so... looking back on this post makes me cry because I remember how freaking hard, heartbreaking and emotional it was for me t make the Divorce decision, but for any of you girls out there that are going though this right now I can tell you one thing that I think is super imoportant. Have faith, and if you have a current temple recommend, stay worthy and go to the temple often. The Temple is the greatest place to pray, seek guidence, and feel comforted. It took me a couple months to finally feel a peace with my decision which to me seems like was the hardest thing to get over, knowing that you are doing the right thing makes everything soo much easier.

So for me, its been 7 months, not 7 months since Ive been divorced, but 7 months of being seperated, since I made the decision to leave. Has my life been better? Have I found my prince charming? ummm.. Yeah no, but I think that is to be expected the fist year after getting divorced, its emontional, stressful, draining, and HARD! Knowing the things I know now about relationhips and marrige, I know its going to be hard to even find someone that I would be intreted in dating.I know what qualities I want my future husband to have which lets face it, there are not very many GOOD GUYS left out there to date. Like seriously, signs of the times I guess its sad but thats why I say you have got to have faith. If I wanted to be married to a not so awesome guy I would have stayed married to the one I had. I prayed numerous times and my answer was to leave. I have faith that god has a plan, and a man for me, lol somewhere out there. I guess for all you girls out there in my same situation reading this, we just gotta have faith and live the gospel and the lord will do his part. Okay enough of that, I'll graze back on this topic on my 1 year mark.

OCTOBER 20th 2009
Life, Blessings, and Brooklyn Harlow

So today is October 2oth 2009. This date doesn't have any significant meaning to me, but for some reason I have this feeling that it will be a day that holds sentilental meaning to me for many years to come. A turning point in my life that I will remember forever.

I went to the temple this morning. I sat in the Celestial room for I'm not sure how many hours. I didn't want to leave, it was so peaceful there. In that room, it seems like all of your troubles and problmes just disappear, and for that short time, you feel: calm, collected, peaceful, pure, unconfused, content, like a child of god. Then you leave the temple grounds; reality sets in and you realize that your still here,(in the real world), and you have to go home and deal with all of the troubles and trails and hardships that this wonerful yet cruel world throws at you. But still,.. leaving with that amazing uplifting feeling that you always have when leaving there.

I spent most of yesterday thinking about the decisions I have made in my life. Playing them over and over in head. There are so many decisons I have made in my life that I regret. If I only knew then what I know now, how different my life would have been. I was in such a rush to grow up. Always, no matter how old I was, I wanted to be about ten years older.

I moved out when I was 17,too young to be on my own, but I didn't know it at the time. Beauty school days, and for sometime after, where awesome,out of control spontaneous, but at the same time heartbreaking. I was in a relationship during this time where feelings where so intense that we each acted,(sometimes), a lil crazy! But breakup after breakup we just couldn't seem to move on. One of those crazy love hate realationships where one month your madly in love, and the next month your screaming and fighting, throwing plates, slamming doors, crying yourself to sleep at 4 o'clock in the morning, moving houses to get away, moving states to get away etc. etc. I knew Trent during these crazy days, but we didn't start our relationship until after I moved back, from moving states. We dated for an extremely short period of time, Married a short time later, and then about 9 months later had a baby, you get the picture, all very very fast.

I have had an amazing life so far,I have the greatest parents and family in the world, who have supported me in anything and everything that I have wanted to do in my life. I realized that all of those regrets I have had, mean nothing anymore. If I wouldn't have had those experieces and regrets in my life, I would not have made the same desicions I have made. Therefore I would not have my beautiful little girl Brooklyn Harlow. She is the most important thing in this world to me, I love her soo much its undiscribable.I feel so blessed to have her in my life and feel so privilaged to be able to raise such a sweet, innocent little spirit.

Since I seem to be pouring my heart out in this post I feel like I still need to go on. A couple days ago, I had a really bad day. A day like I have not had in years, in the years past, when I would have one of "these days" there was only one person I would call, the one person I knew I could count on for anything. No matter what time of day or night, he would be there in an instant, I always knew I could count on him for whatever I needed. He was my best friend, he had this awesome personality, one of a kind, I never really had guys that were just friends but for a
some reason, we just had this magnetic, instant bond from the first time we met, and we were pretty much best friends from then on.

Ty Nichols. He always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. Well on this bad day I was having, I felt so lost, the first person I wanted to call was Ty. Well for those of you who didn't know Ty, you probably didn't know that he passed away this last January. I remember when I found out, I immediatly started bawling, I think I cried the rest of the day and night. After his funeral, I don't think I ever talked about him again,it was too hard, so I just wanted to say, "I love you Ty." And for those of you who knew him, I just want you to take a minute and think about a fun time or a great memory that you had with him, smile, and I hope that it brightens up your day and makes you realize just how precious life really is. So cherish it and never take it for granted.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The best things in life are free

Okay okay, so me and Brooklyn are wrapping up our last week in Tucson. I have mixed feelings about the whole situation, I love my family and I love living on the farm and all, but Tucson doesn't feel like my home anymore, yes, I grew up in Tucson, but when I think about my past, the funnest and greatest memories I have are from my time spent in the Valley, it has been my home for the last 5 years! I'm sad to leave my family, but I'm oh soo excited to go back home. Plus, I'm kind of getting scared at how obsessed Brooklyn is with riding horses, I gotta get her outta here before she becomes a full blown cowgirl!

The last 5 months have been such a haze, I still feel like I'm living in 2009, seriously, time goes by soo fast. I'm so excited to embark on this new journey in my life, I know its going to be hard and I'm probably going to freakin cry all the time lol, but at the end of the day, life is what you make it, and I see my life and being freakin awesome! Yeah I might not have the perfect little family anymore, but honestly, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be married to the wrong person. I fell like all the experiences I have had these last couple years weather good or bad, have all taught me great and valuable lessons that I have gained experince and maturity from.

Brooklyn is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Is being a single, 22 year old mommy hard? Ummm. Hello, of course it is, sometimes I wonder, who acts more mature? Me?.. Or Brooklyn? lol JK but serioualy! Being a mommy in general is a huge responsibility.

We have our moments where she wants to punch me in the face and I want to put her in time out,lol, but at the end of the day I feel so blessed that the lord thought I was worthy of raising one of his special spirits in these crazy times. I love my lil B Shizzle and our life together and I hope she gets everything she deserves to have and more in this life. I'm so excited to start out our journey together, just me and B! I can't wait for what the future throws our way!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Top 10 Mexico Specials

I'm obsessed with Mexico, its my favorite, always has been and always will be. I would for sure live there if I could, but lets face it....

Mi español no es muy buena, en absoluto,(A menos que sea una emergencia...cuando la policía,y cárcel está involucrado... en estas circunstancias es algo llega a ser fluant). Milagros existen! No tengo emploment o lugar permanente al llamado "Mi Casa", y no quiero Brooklyn a crecer pensando que es Mexicano. Oh pobres me, ¿por qué no puedo hacer y tienen todo quiero? Simplemente no es justo, bueno, suficiente complaing...

so... I guess I'll except the fact that I can't live there and dwell on the top 10 reasons why I love it soo much!

1. It's Mexico!

2. It's the beach! (Excellent beach days include boys, guitars, and Dashboard Confessionals/Jack Johnson being played on these guitars).

3. Flavios! pina coladas (virgin of course, who do you think I am?), carne asada and El Pasor tacos from that one shack, with that straw roof, on that one road??? Extactly! yummmmmmm...

4. No cell phones, yay!

5. Bon fires and sleeping outside on the balcony. But if you really want to get mosquito bites...Sleep on a blanket directly on the beach,.. happens every time, guaranteed.

6. Getting to wear your swimsuit from the first 5 minutes you arrive until the last five minutes before you leave (yes, that does involve sleeping and showering in it).

7. Quad, dirt bike, jeep, and excursion sinking adventures in the estuary that will most likely always end in injury.

8. Mexican Diet coke, it tastes like candy! Speaking of candy... Watermelon suckers from "The Candy Shop"

9. Getting to sit in front of the princess Jasmin house and fantasize about it belonging to me.

10. Getting Freakin tan! oh yeah and saving beached dolphins (no joke! yes, this really did happen, I named the lil guy Sparrow). Thats all!

I miss it already, time to go back!

Si usted puede leer lo que escribí en español entonces su mis favoritos!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

So... I guess I'm starting over?

I'm de-cluttering my life. It feels soo good to have a new and fresh start! here are some of the reasons it has been so awesome and exciting:

Getting to spend time with my family. I'm pretty sure this is the most time I have spent with my famliy since... well since high school! It has been so weird cuz I have always remembered my younger siblings and being.. SO YOUNG! And now they are all grown up, lol it has been sweet to get to be a part of their lives at this point in time and I love each one of them soo much! p.s. they all love babysitting Brooklyn haha!

2. Brooklyn Loves being on the farm! She is such a lil amazon baby, she is obsessed with being outside (like mother like daughter I guess). Everytime someone opens the front or back door she runs for it, and if they don't take her with them? Oh geez, temper tantrum city for like 5 minutes haha.

3. I get to wake up every morning, walk outside of the pool house, and smell these awesome flowers that are right by my door and it makes my day - everyday! I think they are wisteria blossoms or some junk like that, but they are amazing, I love my mom's jungle that she has created in her backyard, thanks mommy!

4. Having soo much support, love, and help from everyone! My family has gone above and beyond, helping me move for like the 20th time, literally, babysitting, etc. My lil brothers friends even come over and help move crap and help work on my beaner vehicles haha its awesome, what a team we all make! When I drive up to the house, there are always at least ten cars in the driveway I love it!

5. The ability to stay positive has always been so easy for me. I am such an optimistic person, I always look at the glass as being half full. These last 6 months have defiantly not been easy, or fun, but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and the experiences I have had in the past have all taught me valuable lessons. The experiences I have had in the last 3 years of my life have really helped me reach the maturity level that I feel like I need to be at in order to move forward with my life and leave the past in the past. I'm so grateful to have the gospel in my life. These last couple months my testimony has grown stronger than it has ever been before and I have gained a greater understanding of the temple, family, and what the big picture really is. Honestly, its all about living the gospel, serving others, and family! And oh how I love my family!
I'm so nervous and excited to see what the next year of my life has to offer!